I spent that summer studying for the nursing boards. Once boards were completed I was able to work as a graduate nurse, and there was an opening on the telemetry unit at our hospital. I had spent the last 2 years working first as a nursing assistant, and later as a nurse-extern in ICU at the hospital, and even went so far as to take an elective course in Cardiovascular Nursing in school, so the telemetry unit was a good fit for me. I was offered a position in Labor and Delivery, my first choice, but my decision to accept a commission in the Army Nurse Corps would require me to attend Officer Basic Training in September, and I felt it unfair to the hospital to accept a position requiring a lengthy orientation period knowing I would be leaving in 3 months.

That summer seemed to drag on forever. Periodically I would check in with some of my classmates to see if they had received their results, anxious to know whether I would actually be leaving for the Army, or returning to my nursing assistant position at the hospital. My younger brother, Nathan, had enlisted in the Army prior to high school graduation, and he would be heading to Fort Sam Houston Texas for AIT to be trained as a lab tech around the same time I would be there for basic. It was a comfort to me that we would be there together. Leaving for my children was my main concern. I would be away from them for 13 weeks. I had never been away from them, or my husband, for more than a night or two at a time. Kayla was 4 years old. It was breaking my heart to think of being away for that long, but the lure of student loan repayment, the desire to move away from the dependent living situation we had fallen into, and the feeling of patriotism that service to my country stirred inside me, enticed me enough to tear me away from my family.

Board results showed up in late August. The sense of fear and dread that engulfed me when the nursing school acceptance letter came returned. My hands shook after picking the mail up that morning, and I went home, laid the envelope on the counter and just stared at it. This was it. I was either a nurse now, or a failure. The result of everything I had worked for was written on a letter inside of that envelope. I would either be jubilant or devastated. Silence. Praying. I just needed to know. I tore open the envelope to see Elizabeth Ann Bary, RN on the page. I had passed the boards. I called all of my family, and then I called the recruiter. It was real now, and I would be leaving in 3 weeks.

My girls stood in the airport looking out the window at me on the plane. They cried, I cried. Why am I doing this? What am I trying to prove? Is this just me being selfish? Did I consider my family in this enough? Would they understand or would they resent me for this decision. The thoughts swirled in my mind. The trip was a blur. Arriving in Texas, we were shuttled to the Holiday Inn Downtown San Antonio and assigned to rooms. Captain Grimaldi was my roomate. She was a 50 year old nurse from New York, and right away I knew that we were not compatible. I laid on the bed and cried, and she chided me for being such a baby. We would be together for 13 weeks, it was going to be a long fall.

Officer basic was not at all what I had expected. We were shuttled to base every morning by bus, spent the morning in physical training, and the rest of the day we were in class learning about being an officer. Many of the others in the class had been in ROTC in high school and college and had a great understanding of the military, but the only knowledge I had about anything military was the information my brother had imparted to me. One day at lunchtime I met up with my brother outside of the academy to grab some food. Together, we walked down the sidewalk toward the Burger King. As other people in uniform approached, he would say quietly, “this is a private, he will salute you,” “this is a major, you will salute him.” This went on the whole trip. We decided that riding in the car might be a better idea moving forward. On another day I was to pick Nathan up after my classes were over. Our class ended early and I had no way to get in touch with him. I knew that his barracks area was located behind the academy, so I ran over there and walked right across the quad area to a group of soldiers at a picnic table in the center. As I approached the table I recognized Nathan sitting there, and just as I reached the table someone yelled “ATTEN-TION”. I immediately came to attention just as they did. Nathan looked out of the corner of his eye, saw it was me, and said, “say at ease, say at ease.” I did as he said. He scolded me for coming into the enlisted barracks area like that, and we all had a good laugh. I had no business being in the military, and I certainly was not officer material. But I was a nurse, and they needed nurses.

Physical training was another problem for me. I had started running that summer, but never could get comfortable with it. My first PT test was a joke. I wasn’t able to do 1 push up, very few sit-ups, and my 2-mile run was a joke. My body ached everyday when I got back to the hotel. The hot tub became my savior, and the bed my place to hide. Phone calls home were frequent, and always frought with tension. My husband missed me, and was mad at me at the same time. I had left him with the girls, and running the house, and he was not amused. He made a trip to Texas to see me, and though we were excited to be together again, the parting was worse than the first time. I hated myself for causing this stress for my family. Graduation day came, I passed my final PT test, and another hurdle in my life had been cleared. My duty station would be Fort Campbell, Kentucky, far enough from home to be independent, but close enough to be available to my family in case of emergency. One of the concerns I had voiced to my recruiter was in regard to war. What would I do if I had to go to war? What would happen to my children? He reassured me that their hadn’t been a war in 20 years. As I signed in to my duty assignment at Fort Campbell, home of the 101st airborne division, war on Iraq was declared, Operation Desert Storm began. Briefings, immunizations, wills, and childcare plans overtook my mind. Arrangements for my children to return to my home were made, bags were packed and shipped to the middle east, war exercises and social norms were reviewed. The Army reserve unit was called in to staff our hospital for the active duty deployment, the replacement unit was dispersed around the hospital to fill the vacating nursing positions, and they had no labor and delivery nurses in their unit. One week before I was to deploy I received a call to come in early for a briefing, and I was told that the plan was to keep me and another lieutenant behind to train the reservists, then we would be deployed as replacements. The war lasted 100 days. I was never deployed.

During in-processing to base I had to meet with finance to set up my pay. I set up my direct deposit and applied for my travel expenses, and I asked what I needed to do to set up my student loan payback account. After reviewing my paperwork they informed me that student loan payback was not available for active duty officers, but instead they offered deferral of payments on the student loans while you were active duty. My initial discussion with the recruiter regarding student loans had been held when we were discussing the Army Reserve. He had failed to inform me that by becoming active duty the benefit would be lost. My loans were placed on deferrment, but they would be waiting for me when I returned to civilian life.

Life as an Army Nurse was a challenge. I was assigned to labor and delivery, which was my first choice of assignments. Lou was my preceptor. Lou had been an Army nurse several years before, but had worked as a civilian nurse at Blanchfield Army Community Hospital since that time. Lou was strict, but she was a good nurse, and she knew her stuff. Epidurals were not available at Blanchfield, so I learned early on how to labor with a woman. And Blanchfield had midwives, 3 active duty and 3 civilians. I loved working with the midwives. During the day shift the midwives managed all of the patients on the unit. They encouraged the women to walk in the hallway, talked to them about breathing and relaxing, and spoke softly with them when they were in the room. They held the women that were laboring without a partner due to deployments, and fought for the ones from other countries that had cultural norms requiring specific foods and care after birth. I loved sitting at the desk and talking with them about midwifery, their experiences, and plans for the future. The head midwife, Rosemary, let me borrow her Varney’s Midwifery to read. I studied that book front and back. I would read a section in the book, then question one of the midwives about the intricacies of the subject. I wanted to be a midwife. They talked to me about a program that the Army offered called long term civilian schooling, which involved an assignment to attend college, return to the Army to work in that role, and owe back 2 years for every year of school. I was excited! I couldn’t imagine being paid to earn my masters degree, without having to work at the same time.

Physical Training was the bane of my existence during my Army experience. I was not an athlete. I was a nurse. PT tests were required quarterly, as were weigh-ins. Failing a PT test resulted in remedial PT for the remainder of the quarter. Failing a weigh-in resulted in diet counseling and frequent weigh-ins to monitor progress. I failed at both. Remedial PT was held at 8am each morning, my shift ended at 7. After working 12 hour night shifts, I would do the required 2 hours of PT, before going home to sleep until my 7PM shift started. After 12 weeks of this schedule, I would pass the PT test, but when the next test came I would fail, and start the cycle again. Failing also meant that your file was “flagged.” Nothing good happens to you if you are flagged. My plans for long term civilian schooling were squelched when my orders came in for my next assignment, Korea, unaccompanied. Unaccompanied means family is not allowed to accompany you to the next assignment. I put in my papers to be discharged from the Army at the end my 3 year committment.