When Barb’s daughter, MJ, came to see me for her pregnancy it was a new level of responsibility for me. Barb was my midwife and mentor, and I felt honored to provide care for her daughter and grandchild. I had watched MJ grow from a young child into a beautiful, intelligent woman, now ready to begin her own family. One evening when I was at the hospital waiting for a birth, I received a call from Barb in a near panic. MJ was experiencing numbness on one side of her body and face, and had a headache. “I’m worried she is having a stroke,” were Barb’s words to me. “I’m here, bring her in,” I told her. I contacted Dr. Miller and ran the scenario past him, symptoms to look for, tests to order, so I would be ready upon her arrival. By the time she arrived the symptoms were starting to resolve, baby looked good, and it was determined that it could have been a migraine, so a neurology consult was ordered. Her pregnancy continued without any recurrence of the symptoms. I received the call from Barb in the middle of the night that MJ was in labor and ready to come in. Laboring with MJ alongside Barb was a new level of honor for me. MJ labored beautifully, working through contractions with ease, relaxing between to the peaceful sounds of our gentle voices. When time for the birth came, I offered Barb the opportunity to catch the baby. As I stood there gowned and gloved, I watched Barb gently glide her new grandbaby into the world and place Corbin on his momma’s chest. I feel that creating memories and birth stories is as much a part of my job as monitoring for safety for momma and baby. The memory of your momma catching your baby, and for catching your grandchild, will remain with them forever.

Most women having babies in the hospital are deprived of having choices or options. Decisions for things like ambulation, IV therapy, food and drink intake, positions for birth, etc are made by the nurses and physicians. Physician patients are discouraged from creating birth plans to share their picture of the ideal birth experience for them, and instead are told that this is the way we do it. It puts the patient in a position of being dependent on the health care providers, and creates the atmosphere of birth being no different that any other medical procedure. One way midwives work to give birth back to the family is by discussing choices they can make in labor, so that they can educate themselves and develop a relationship of trust with their provider. Birthing balls are just one of the tools we use to enable the patient to be in an upright position during labor, and to help open the bones of the pelvis to allow baby to descend. Occasionally the patient is laboring so well on the ball that when time comes for baby we just help them position in a way that we can catch the baby. Denise was one of these momma’s, and as you can see in the picture, a birth story was created here, with her husband behind her supporting her as she layed back toward the bed allowing me to catch the baby, with the nurse behind her supporting as well. The look on her birth team’s faces tells the story of joy, amazement, relief, and ownership of the experience. This is how you create birth experiences.

One evening while cooking dinner I received a call from my youngest daughter, Kayla. “Hey mom, I went up town to see the Air Force recruiter today, and I think I’ve decided to go into the military.” “This recruiter wants to come and talk to you.” “Ok, we can talk about this and I’ll find a time to talk to him if we decide this is a good idea,” I told her. “No, I have decided this is what I’m going to do. He wants to talk to you now,” she insisted. “We are on our way.” When they came through the door, right away I recognized the uniform. “This is an Army recruiter, you said Air Force,” I chuckled. “Oh, the Air Force recruiter wasn’t in, so the Army recruiter talked to me instead.” Sure he did. She was 17.

Kayla was graduating mid-term, so she made plans to leave for basic training in January, with her assignment following basic to be in Texas. She would need her parents permission to go, thus the recruiter’s urgency to talk to me. I listened to the sales pitch, reminiscing about the same tactics being used on me when I was pursuaded to leave my kids and husband for 13 weeks of basic training. They are talented. After my briefing from the recruiter on the career path he and Kayla had developed for her and he was on his way, the time came to have a heart to heart with her about the source of this sudden change of plans. For several years Kayla had a relationship with a guy that her father and I had a love/hate relationship with . While he was friendly with us, and helpful with tasks when asked, Kayla had changed for in many ways since becoming involved with him. She neglected her responsibilities, ignored family rules, began talking back and had become argumentative. She skipped school, and only worked sporadically. The girl that was excited when she was elected as a high school cheerleader, had suddenly quit the team. When she broke up with him I was not so secretly pleased. But he wouldn’t go away, and he continued to harrass her and cause her problems. I sensed he was the source of this major life decision, and later she would admit that I was right.

When time drew near for her to leave, she started to regret her decision. She had started seeing her friends more, and the connections she had rebuilt would be hard to leave. One night after spending time with her friends she came home with abdominal pain and vomiting. My suspicious mind had me questioning whether she had been drinking, but she insisted that she had not had anything. I gave her some nausea medication and told her to go to bed. The next morning she seemed fine, and off she went with them again. That evening she came in again with increasing pain and vomiting, so I reluctantly took her to the ER. Testing confirmed that she had gall stones lodged in her common bile duct, her liver was inflamed, and she needed surgery to remove her gall bladder. She was admitted for antibiotics and surgery was scheduled. I felt like a terrible mom, and nurse, for downgrading her symptoms for so long for sure. She was scheduled to leave for basic training in a week, so I called the recruiter to let him know that would not be possible.

When he came to see her at the hospital, or to confirm my call, he let us know that the change in dates would likely change her assignment as well. When she left a month later, she was given Korea as her assignment. My baby was going to Korea…